‘Tis still the season to be jolly, and what better way to usher in the festive cheer than with my much-anticipated Christmas Mince Pie Review: 2023 Edition?
This review was conducted completely independently and in no way sponsored by any of the brands mentioned below.
If you remember my 2022 Christmas Mince Pie Review, you’ll recall that I roped both of my parents (Sue and O’B) in on the fun. This year I invited two more panelists to join us, which included my middle sister (Ash), and a close friend of mine (Tracey) who was visiting from Cape Town. We also added a few more retailers into the mix this year, as last year only saw contenders from Woolies, Checkers and Pick ‘n Pay.
There are a few mince pies which unfortunately didn’t make the review. One in particular, which is currently sold out in Joburg, is Woolies’ Best Ever Christmas Fruit Mince Pies. When they’re back on the shelves up here I’ll definitely add them to the review (along with any others I might find over the next couple of weeks).
There was also absolutely no way we could each eat 14 mince pies in one sitting, so we split one or two between the 5 of us (depending on the size of the pie). Despite keeping our portions of each pie small, we all felt quite ill afterwards.
In all honesty, I was really surprised by our findings this year…
Food Lovers Fruit Mince Pies (6 Pack – R39.99)
O’B: Thin pastry and a generous amount of filling, but the pastry is tasteless.
Sue: The filling has a lovely flavour, also not mad about the pastry.
Tracey: An inoffensive festive treat.
Ash: Meh
Nicky: These are very average.
Spar Luxury Fruit Mince Pies (4 Pack – R44.99)
Nicky: These look lovely and homemade.
Tracey: The size of it feels aggressive.
Ash: I think these are my favourite. (Big call, considering it was one of the first mince pies we’d tasted).
Sue (waffling on about her homemade mince pies and how she makes the best pastry): Yadda yadda yadda.
O’B (confused): We don’t know what you’re talking about, Sue. Nobody remembers you ever making homemade mince pies for us.
Sue: Well I’ll make them next year. Next year I’m making mince pies and Christmas Cake!
Ash: Ma, you say this every year.
Spar Festive Fruit Mince Pies (6 Pack – R45.99)
This mince pie had us all in disagreement about how we felt about it.
Tracey: Love the sugar already, are these from Woolworths?
Nicky: Loved at first but don’t like the aftertaste at all.
Sue: I’d give these about a 7.
O’B: Agreed.
Ash (still too hungover from her Year End party to speak).
Checkers Limited Edition Festive Fruit Mince Pies (6 Pack – R44.99)
We were all a little confused about these, as the packaging mentioned Traditional, Blueberry and Apple Pie Crumble, but they all tasted the same. Nevertheless, we all enjoyed this one. With a generous filling and thin pastry, I’d recommend heating them and dusting them with a bit of icing sugar before serving.
Available to shop via Checkers
Checkers Gluten Free Fruit Mince Pies (6 Pack – R79.99)
This was the first of the gluten-free mince pies we tasted, and it was a resounding “no” from all of us. These were terrible last year and I feel like Checkers’ R&D team has done nothing to improve their gluten-free option. I’m also horrified at the ingredients listed for the pastry, which you can find here, and am not surprised that these taste the way they do.
Tracey: If you’re a celiac, it’s not the worst but this tastes really soapy.
Nicky: This tastes like ass. I hate it.
Sue: Horrible taste of coconut.
O’B: I can only taste margarine.
Ash: No!
Available to shop via Checkers
PnP Santa’s Village Deep Filled Mince Pies (6 Pack – R49.99)
These were included in last year’s review and once again didn’t blow us away.
Tracey: Too much pastry.
Nicky: Filling’s not bad but this pastry is horrendous (I then looked at the ingredients and was once again blown away by the crap that goes into some of these mince pies).
Sue: I agree.
Ash: Not sure why they’re calling this deep-dish, it’s a normal mince pie?!
O’B: Not bad. I love pastry so I’m not overwhelmed by it but the other fillings had more flavour.
Available to shop online via Pick ‘n Pay
PnP Chocolate Brownie Mince Pies (4 Pack – R44.99)
While these mince pies looked great (love the gold Christmas Tree), they tasted terrible.
O’B: You all know how wild I am about chocolate but I’m not wild about chocolate mince pies.
Sue: This for me has no flavour. Wouldn’t waste your money.
Tracey: Tastes stale. This is not a mince pie experience, this is a stale brownie experience.
Ash: Cheap cocoa flavour.
Nicky: Stop making chocolate mince pies! They don’t work!
Available online via Pick ‘n Pay
PnP Crafted Collection Blueberry Mince Pies (4 Pack – R44.99)
This was probably my least favourite of all the mince pies we tasted and there was something off about the pastry. We thought that maybe they needed to be heated, but I gave that a go after photographing them to see if it made any difference. It didn’t.
Tracey: Soft and soggy pastry but sweet and delicious.
O’B: Pastry undercooked. Don’t like this one.
Sue: Nice-looking, pastry looked good but soggy. Tasty filling.
Ash: Not crispy enough and no castor sugar.
Nicky: Soggy bottom. Gross. Also, what’s up with all of the blueberry fillings this year?
Fresh Earth Gluten Free Festive Fruit Mince Pies (4 Pack – R59.00)
Fresh Earth Food Store is an independent retailer in Johannesburg that also has an incredible bakery. They make some of the best doughnuts in town, so I had high hopes for these (even though they’re gluten-free).
Sue: These are delicious!
Tracey: This is like an Eet-Sum-Mor Pie. 8 for taste, 6 for overall.
Nicky: Way too sweet.
Ash: I think these are revolting (clearly not a fan of the GF stuff).
Available online via Fresh Earth
The Pantry by Marble Mince Pies
We all absolutely hated this one. The filling tasted like mulled wine, which I usually love but not in mince pie form. The pastry was also completely tasteless. A major disappointment considering where they came from.
Woolworths Plantlove Citrus Fruit Mince Pies (6 Pack – R69.99)
Delicious filling, delicious pastry. You wouldn’t know this was vegan. We all enjoyed this one and agreed it was also the prettiest with the leaf detail and sprinkling of castor sugar.
Available to shop online via Woolies
Woolworths Free From Gluten Fruit Mince Pies (6 Pack – R94.99)
We all agreed this was the best of the gluten-free mince pies. The pastry wasn’t soapy, the filling was delicious and zero traces of the hideous after-taste the others left in our mouths. There’s hope for the gluten-free among us when it comes to also being able to enjoy mince pies, and considering how expensive these mince pies are, I reckon totally worth it considering how horrendous the other ones we tasted are.
Available to shop online via Woolies
Woolworths ClemenGold Fruit Mince Pies (9 Pack – R89.99)
This was our winning mince pie last year but something was lacking this time around. I was disappointed with this one. Would I still buy them despite this? Yes.
Ash: All you can taste is sugar. I don’t like crumble toppings.
Tracey: This doesn’t taste like a mince pie.
O’B: Not offended by it.
Sue: Where’s the spice?
Nicky (after tasting what feels like a hundred mince pies): I feel so ill.
Available to shop online via Woolies
Woolworths Fruit Mince Pies (9 Pack – R69.99)
The recipe for these has either been improved or needed a year to improve (the mention of “previously frozen” has me wondering if we’re eating stock from last season). Irrespective, these were the best of the bunch for all of us.
Ash: This has always been the best, and will always be the best.
Tracey: Best of everything. Pastry’s great, filling’s great.
Sue (with her mouth full and in agreement): Mmmmmm.
Nicky: Hey, these are way better this year!
O’B: Well, we saved the best for last.
I found your reviews on the pies was completely tasteless too much personal remarks were made and some offensive. Stick to qualified taste testers and not all your chums.
Corinne, considering my mother and I both studied at culinary school (she also owned her own restaurant), and the rest of the tasting panel were my family and a close friend (not my “chums”) who are all more than qualified to taste test mince pies – you can keep your shitty comments to yourself. If you don’t like my content, stay off my website.
Mic drop 🙂
Agreed! What a nasty negative comment. We as a family and together with friends, do this review to let everyone know our thoughts! Our “chums” who know us well, and know that we can cook, look forward to our annual “Mince Pie Review”. It’s the season to be pleasant, not bitchy! Have a very merry Xmas if you can! We off to Paris, Stockholm and Amsterdam Corinne, I’ll let you know what their mince pies are like!! 🤣👍
Thanks for info. Usually stick with Woollies as most pies are meh!
They definitely know what they’re doing!
I look forward to this review every year and glad to see that the rands I forked out for the GF Woolies ones were well spent again. I got the checkers GF ones already and ate one then threw the rest in the bin – atrocious. The plant love ones are still my fave but have to eat in moderation as not GF – still worth it! Oh and Corinne, no one forces you to read this review, maybe stick to riding your high horse somewhere else?
Thanks Nicky for your review. It will help me a lot. I don’t want to waste money on nasty mince pies.
I’m very sorry. My friend sent me this link and I thought it was a more official review like some magazines and newspapers do. I did not realise it was you and your family having fun and taste testing.
No, you’re backpedalling because I humanised your nasty comment by actually replying to you. I’m a member of the media, regardless of whether or not I work for a magazine or newspaper. This is a website where I publish content, which is the same thing. Next time you have nothing nice to say think twice before airing it.
This review is hilarious, light and informative. My partner makes the best mince pies – pastry is very light. I’ve seen some at Organic Zone which I’m keen to try out, and at Coimbra bakery.
I actually bought some back from Marks and Spencer last year, and they weren’t up to scratch.
A great read!
I loathe mince pies so am always filled with dread when friends arrive bearing them as gifts – even if they come from Woolies. It’s why I stick to bubbles when Christmas rocks around. 😎 🍾🌲💃
Loved this review and especially the personal comments and feeling like it was your chums/friends/people you trust and love! As always great work @Nicky! Off to Woolies to buy some mince pies x